Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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