can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Blood and glitter go together right?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
