I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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