So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize