we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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