I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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