JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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