i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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