Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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