he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The uberlube is also flammable
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
