i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
