He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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