His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
