too bad you live with your parents still
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
