I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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