dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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