I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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