My ATM looks so different sober.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize