he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
