OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
