All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
May the power of my ass compel you!!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
