just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
