i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize