I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
