He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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