You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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