she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
