Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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