So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
