also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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