its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
