I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
