It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
there is puke in my bra ... again
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