a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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