you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize