Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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