if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
