He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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