remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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