you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
