You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
