i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
