His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
