four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
