then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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