It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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