Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
