I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You've changed since you got that strap on
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
