her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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