She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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