Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
