Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
