if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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