Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
