Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
