Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Your cock deserves a montage
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
