dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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