I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You work out of a Hotel?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
