and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
