And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
