I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Randomize
