Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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