i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
