It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
