So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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