He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
