WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
